Just One Moment
by Guardian Kysra
Summary: Told from Zechs' POV, a retelling of that infamous Z/R scene in episode 44 when Zechs and Relena FINALLY meet face to face . . .


Hello All! I'm kinda nervous about releasing this and I know I should have been working on Made of You and my other ficcies but this wouldn't leave me alone and I promised Peygan I would write a Z/R ficcy! Anyway, this fic is very personal since I used a lot of my own memories regarding my younger brother to write this.....like Milliardo's first look at Relena, his feelings etc etc. I also tried to get into Zechs' head.......I'm still kinda anxious about that, but all in all, I'm semi-proud of it.   
  
This one is a retelling of that infamous Z/R scene from ep 44 in which Relena and Zechs FINALLY meet face to face! *sniffs* I loved that scene! hehe Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own GW. Period.  
  
Just One Moment  
by Kysra  
  
Just one moment . . . That's all it takes for one's life to change from pleasant stability to outright chaos, and I know of three moments which affected my life more than I can ever say.  
  
The earliest was the first time I ever laid eyes on her. She was only three days old, just out of the hospital, and my father woke me up to introduce me to her.  
  
My little baby sister.  
  
Of course, I pretended to be excited, but inside I was seething with resentment and jealousy as most older siblings are prone to do I suppose. I saw her as a trespasser in my domain, an unwanted intruder in my territory, a usurper who wished to take my place. My perspective was very selfish indeed . . . sometimes I think I haven't grown out of it as much as I like to think I have.  
  
Father carried me in his strong arms, as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, to my old playroom which had been converted five months before into a nursery . . . the baby's room, and as we approached the wooden crib near the window, I had a feeling that something was about to change my life.  
  
And there she was, my little Relena, sleeping peacefully among the pink sheets and blankets of her bed. She lay on her stomach, face turned toward me, her little hands made into tiny fists as she slept, and as I looked down upon that innocent creature, my resentment and annoyance disappeared instantly. I knew in that one solitary moment that I would protect her for the rest of her life, loving her, nurturing her, and teaching her. I knew in that moment that I was going to be the best big brother I could be. My role in life, it seemed, had been revealed.  
  
The next change came about two years after Relena's birth, when the Sank Kingdom fell, and the realization that I was an orphan hit home. I had lost everything in one night including my dear sister who was stolen away by the Darlians. That night, feeling as though I had nothing, I buried Milliardo Peacecraft but felt no remorse. The person I had been . . . the person I should have been, was erased from existence the second my parents had died, the minute my sister was taken from me. I had no purpose, and those with no purpose are better off dead. I had to become a new person. I had to take on a new persona with a new purpose, and Zechs Merquise was born.  
  
The last moment that I am aware of, occurred only a few hours ago. I nearly killed the one person I had sworn I would always protect. Relena.  
  
It was the hardest thing, holding in the horrified scream that fought to push its way out of my lips, but I couldn't afford showing that I cared. Not in front of my crew . . . not in front of Quinze. I had to be strong, determined, like them. Like the Gundam pilots I so want to defeat.  
  
And now, as I wait for her . . . the one person I have dreamed of speaking to face to face for so long after our extended separation, I cannot help but feel a sense of panic. I nearly killed my very own sister, the one person I love more than myself, and I have to grapple with the very real possibility that I have become something that she cannot love, that she will not recognize me as her brother.  
  
Resting my chin on steepled hands, I allow the mask of Zechs Merquise to settle upon my face, staring ahead, trying not to think of the girl I know is standing right behind me. I feel her eyes, our mother's eyes, boring into the back of my head as she stares. I can't look at her. If I do, I'll only embarrass myself.  
  
"The Earth only seems beautiful because we have the chance to see it like this, from outer space. Those on Earth can't possibly appreciate its true beauty." The words leave my mouth, and I know that, despite how true the message is, the sentiment is only thinly veiled. I didn't truly appreciate my family until I had lost them.  
  
"Are you suggesting all of humanity should come to outer space?" She's beside me now. I can see her hazy figure on the corner of my eye, and it takes all of my will power not to look at her. My beautiful, innocent, naive sister, how I've missed you . . . but I can't let you see . . . I can't drop the facade. I have to be ruthless, like them, like your Heero . . .   
  
"Those who don't want to come here certainly don't have to. I won't simply ignore powers on Earth that are a threat to peace here in space."   
  
She steps closer now, her voice becoming louder as she speaks in that orator's cadence, "Surely that's no reason to become the largest threat to peace yourself though. The time has come for Earth and space to discard all their weapons."   
  
I want to smile so badly that my mouth hurts. She has learned the diplomatic ways of our father quite well, for by mentioning Earth first, she is conceding that the Earth made the first hostile move . . . I am so proud of her my heart swells, and finally, I turn my face to look at her, the mask firmly in place.  
  
"No. This isn't the time for your world of total pacifism." I turn my face away again, knowing in my heart that I will not be able to bear the look of disappointment and hurt upon her face. I put her in this position. I hoped she would take the reigns and become the Sank Kingdom's heir. I pushed her to become the representative and spokesperson for pacifism, and now I was trying to prolong the war for my very own glory. I guess I am still that selfish child I was so long ago. "Therefore, outer space must first direct all its force against the people on the Earth," I tighten my grip upon the armrests on which my hands rest and feel disappointment at the lack of pain, "using the Battleship Libra." The ship that nearly killed you. The ship that has already destroyed a section of the Earth that you love so.  
  
"No. You're mistaken Milliardo."  
  
It's what I fear, her words. Am I doing the right thing? Have I begun down the right path? Is this what destiny had in store for me? I don't know and am unable to hide my doubts. Bowing my head, I close my eyes to seal away her image.  
  
"How would you know?" I want to wince at the bitterness in my own voice. What is wrong with me?  
  
"I know because I am Relena Peacecraft."  
  
Her voice . . . so solid and sure . . . so adult. When did the little girl grow up? How could I have missed the conviction in her eyes?  
  
I open my eyes to look at her, "My dear Relena," I feel my body move and realize I've lost the inner battle as my arms move around her thin shoulders. For a moment, I can pretend it hasn't been 12 years since I've held her thus, but just one moment for I feel her tense within my embrace. My embrace . . . which she doesn't return.  
  
Please Relena, just give me this one respite, just one moment to hold you, love you openly, just one moment to pretend that we're not on opposing sides, to behold you as your brother, to see you as just my little sister, to erase the past. Just one moment of peace . . . Please Sister, grant me this one request . . . Just don't pull away.  
  
"You've grown up strong Relena, but your strength is no longer needed. I want you, at least, to remain a kind woman." I curse myself for the shit I must spew to satisfy Quinze. Her strength is what I admire, something I crave to possess in my own soul. Her conviction is what matures her yet allows her to remain innocent in her beliefs . . . pure. Her heart is pure.  
  
"In truth, I don't know whether I am being held in the arms of Milliardo, the kind brother I once knew . . ." My eyes snap open to stare at the top of her golden head, my arms tightening around her. Please Relena, please don't . . . , "or the blood-stained hands of Zechs Merquise."  
  
My heart feels as if she has just thrust a knife within its depths, and I straighten, looking down on her, my hands moving to grasp her upper arms, the hurt hidden behind that damnable mask, "If you want to return to the Earth, I'm not going to stop you. If you want to stay in space, I'll find you a place to live in a colony."  
  
She shrugs, and I let my hands fall from her, trying to minimize the damage already done. I can only pray she will stay in space where I can keep an eye on her, where I can see her and keep her safe . . .   
  
"I am staying right where I am until you change your mind." The defiance in her eyes . . . is that concern behind it? Or is hope playing tricks on me? Maybe she is just concerned for Earth . . . I don't know, but I feel happy that she will be staying so near me for the time being. Perhaps it wasn't too late afterall . . .   
  
A small smile plays upon my lips as I turn my head to Dorothy, "Do me a favor. Show Relena to the officer's room Dorothy."   
  
"Right away." Turning away once more to take my place in the command chair, I listen to the rustle of cloth that signifies Dorothy's movement.  
  
"Let's be on our way Miss Relena. It would be wiser to continue this discussion after you've had some rest."  
  
My head bowed, eyes closed, as I sit as still as when she first arrived, I can very nearly hear the wheels turn in her head as she stares at me, her eyes burning my skin with their pure fire, but she doesn't say a word. Suddenly, the tingling sensation of her eyes upon me is gone.  
  
"Perhaps you're right. Show me the way then."  
  
"Sure." Again, I hear the rustling of cloth and know that Dorothy and Relena are leaving. It takes everything within me to keep from reaching out, calling her back . . . just one moment in her presence . . . just one more moment . . .   
  
I open my eyes to look at Quinze who is staring at me, probably waiting for me to break. He knows how much Relena means to me.  
  
"Do you consider me a weak man Quinze?" I don't know why I ask, but I've tried so hard, since I turned from Treize, to erase the last vestiges of the gentle nature of my former persona, to eradicate the lingering personality of Milliardo Peacecraft who had been raised to believe in the pacifism his sister now promoted with a clear vision of how the world should be. Did this confrontation prove that I had succeeded? Or did my seemingly eternal affection for that young girl who is a stranger yet I know better than I know myself prove that I was still soft?  
  
"On the contrary, if you hadn't been looking out for someone, I wouldn't have welcomed you as the White Fang leader."  
  
"Thanks for saying so." I stare out the view port, the blue Earth staring back at me as if accusing . . . And somehow I know . . . . my one moment with Relena had passed . . . for good.  
  
  



End file.
